First tappings

Yes yes! I know! The 24th came and went without tapping. That’s us procrastinators for you. So it’s been a fairly long time since my last entry on 24th (I’d thought at the time that it was the 23rd but, by the time I’d posted it, it was well past midnight) which may not be a long time in blogging terms but longer than the following day as I’d intended.

However, I finally tapped on my inclination to procrastinate. It was quite spontaneous (Well, OK. Spontaneity can take a while with me) ––– that is to say that I hadn’t planned it. In fact, if I had have planned it, it would be on the cards for tomorrow.... then something else would turn up and...... well anyway, it just sort of happened.

I was taking my dog for a walk. It had been an unseasonably pleasant day and even warm enough for me to remove the coat I’d put on more because I’m English than because I was cold. One wears a coat in November in England. Normally the weather ensures this is a wise precaution but the weather was in a particularly unpatriotic mood today.

Fudge (that’s the dog) was happily snuffling around the teasels and chasing imaginary rabbits while real rabbits looked on in confusion. Some even hopped off and returned with other rabbits to enjoy the spectacle. Fudge is a singularly unobservant dog. Throw her a stick and she’ll come back with an old boot but I digress yet again. Maybe something else to add to my ever growing tapping list.

I took the opportunity to sit down and watch Fudge leaping around terrorising the teasels while bemused rabbits looked to me for an explanation. I don’t speak rabbit and even if I did, my dog’s behaviour is none of their damn business. It occurred to me that this would be a good time to begin tapping.

I can’t say it was a particularly enlightening experience but I’m sure this will develop over time....... I hope so anyway. However, focusing on my thoughts brought on that curious condition when you gaze at the whole scene before you without visually focusing on anything. You reach a point when you are seeing everything in equal emphasis which never occurs in the normal course of looking. This tends to confuse the visual cortex which is better suited to homing in on specific details and seeing the rest only in the periphery. This creates a shift in the lighting: the foreground became darker and the evening sky became brighter. I managed about two rounds of tapping when I think I drifted off into some kind of meditative state. Anne insists this was a result of tapping but I’m more inclined to think it was a result of allowing my otherwise fidgety mind to become still for a moment.

I don’t know how long I had remained like this but I thought it had become quite dark and, as soon as I had become aware of this, the lighting shifted back to normal and it was actually lighter than I’d thought. My eyes had simply been on the wrong F-stop, so to speak. When my vision had flipped back to normal, I suddenly became aware of a small insect that caught the low angled light from the setting sun in startling, iridescent brilliance. Everything was so still. I rolled a cigarette and watched as the first cloud of smoke I puffed out –– the wasted puff I immediately eject on lighting a cigarette –– as it drifted slowly across the fields holding its form in the still air.

I’d been reading about the Law of Attraction (or rather, I’d been paying uncharacteristic attention while my wife read it to me. She ought to be in advertising; she really knows how to push a product) and I found myself wondering whether the stillness I was experiencing was attributable to the stillness of my environment or vice versa. It seemed a ridiculous idea but then, why should my mind be less still if it had been windier? Does the wind actually blow my thoughts around? This is an equally ridiculous notion. Perhaps nothing is truly ridiculous...... just misunderstood.

I’d been meaning to ‘phone my brother who has been unwell for some time. It seemed that every time I thought about ‘phoning him, it was either too early in the morning or too late at night. I work unsocial shifts but the truth is that I have had ample opportunities to ring him but had still left it until the days became weeks and suddenly it’s two months since I’d called to see how he was. I phoned him when we got back (he’s fine, thanks) and I can’t honestly say whether this was because I had tapped on my procrastination or simply because it had entered my mind quite early on a Saturday evening when there was no reason not to do so. I had also intended to put up a towel rail in the bathroom which has now been relegated to what has always been my favourite day for doing things –––– mañana.

Well, small steps at a time. I’d finally got around to actually tapping and calling my brother. If I get that towel rail up tomorrow, I’ll really be on a roll!